Betrayed

Accomlishments go unseen for without fame there is no act, I tire at the work and wonder what my cause is? Have I not done this all before? It is no different than before, the recognition that is to be recieved is undone- with a sense of obligation instead of true merit. I stand in the shadow knowing I should be in the spot light. When is it that I became the backdrop to my own story? Have I forgotten, has it taken me so completely that I forget what once was? I have to believe it is still there-despite all thats been done to hide it. I believed once it would always be the same and now realize I am as naive as a girl giving into her first love, not knowing that his thoughts have already left her behind. I contemplate it over and over. Has it always been this way? Have I merely construed some past that was never real? I look back thinking that it was once I who lived that life- but maybe, just maybe it was just in the books or faint memories that belonged to someone else. It is a pounding sound, the realization that it may not be as it was once thought. I cling to it, feeling almost warmth. I cannot fathom that my life has never been. There had to have been that one time, if only one. I have to believe it was real. I have to believe. Thinking otherwise I would cease to feel anymore. No, No, I cannot remember. It consumes my thoughts - as I turn cold and bitter. I grieve, I anger, I mourn, then it is lost. Another faint memory, this time maybe I do make it someone elses. It is no longer in me to care. I stop all emotion. It is now nothing more than something that stands in time but I have taken you out of my existance-for good. I feel the ice creep through me and shiver. Its a sensation I try to resist then numb to and it is as it should be. My thoughts are beyond while you are still living in today.